Ahhhhh. Finally, after about 3 months, I feel like I'm "back".

I spent about 3 months, I would say, feeling blahhhh. I could hardly drag myself around. I laid in bed for nearly an hour some mornings, while Brendan played in our bedroom. I sat/laid on the couch most of the day, spending most of my time on the computer. About one or two days a week, I'd feel up to doing housework. Catch up on laundry, maybe do some dishes. I did still cook, but I didn't really want to, so I didn't put much effort into it. I didn't want to go outside, or run errands. We hardly ever went to visit anyone, and rarely made it to church or playgroup. Then, at night, because I'd been so lazy all day, I stayed up late on the computer, til I felt tired enough to fall asleep. 

I was impatient & bitchy many--if not most--days. I found myself having to spank Brendan almost every day for something. His behavior was certainly affected by my mood. And also, because I spent so much time on the computer, he was probably acting out to get my attention. I'd even written a status on Fb mentioning how exhausted I always was, to see if anyone could identify with me, if this was at all normal.

Last week, my mother-in-law was here visiting. She mentioned having felt the same way I was, until her doctor did some blood tests, and discovered that her vitamin D levels were really low. She said in a matter of days after starting taking vitamin D supplements, she felt like a whole new person!

2 nights later, Brendan was being difficult at supper time, as usual. I left the kitchen. I couldn't handle it. I had a major meltdown, crying & yelling. Not at Brendan, but well within his earshot. My MIL wanted us to visit; I just couldn't go. I got my husband to take Brendan and go without me. 

I was miserable. I started Googling things like "nervous breakdown" and "symptoms of bipolar disorder". I finally forced myself to get up, get dressed, and go to the drug store. (No better time than when you feel like you're having a nervous breakdown!)

I cried the whole way up the island. By the time I got to the back road, I had to pull over, because I couldn't see through the tears. "WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME?!! I JUST WANT TO FEEL NORMAL!!" I bawled.

I'm sure I was a very obvious mess by the time I got to the drug store. After wandering for a minute to collect myself, I found a stress-ease multivitamin, and 1000IU vitamin D. God knows what the clerks thought. One of them engaged me in conversation about chickens--Lol, we know each other--so that made me feel a little better. (Hmm, maybe she didn't notice my puffy red eyes?). I got Brendan some multivitamin gummies, too. We've both been sick recently about 4 times. And since he's not nursing now, he doesn't have that extra immunity boost. 

I started taking the vitamins as soon as I got home that evening. It was only a matter of days and I started to feel more like myself. I wasn't exhausted every morning anymore. I wasn't glued to the computer all day. I could handle everyday tasks & situations without having a fit. I felt like I was being a much better mother. Brendan's behavior has certainly improved. It only took a few days, and mealtimes weren't a fight anymore. He wasn't balking at everything we set in front of him, because he wanted to please me, now that I wasn't a bitch all day. Twice now, I've thought, "I'm bored...", and decided to bake something. I actually feel like putting thought into meals. Tonight, when I hadn't planned ahead, instead of making something crappy like pasta or Kraft Dinner, or Tuna/Hamburger Helper, I whipped together a fish dinner! And, I want to get out of the house, and enjoy the outdoors again. I have ENERGY!!!

I've also learned that getting to bed before 11 pm is a necessity in order for me to function. I've been a "nighthawk" all my life.

Yesterday, I napped a lot, and felt super-lazy as a result. So, when I got Brendan to bed, I got out the door, and went for a long walk! I got to bed around 11, I think. This morning, Brendan woke up at 6:30 (!!!), and I actually felt RESTED!! And not like laying in bed for an hour wishing he'd shut up. I don't even think I so much as growled at him. I did put him back to bed til 7:00. But I felt fine!! It's really amazing. I got showered, and ran an errand, and decided we'd go play on the beach. 

Anyway...it's awesome. And I'm happy, and tolerable to be around, lol. And I hope it LASTS!!