Feb. 23rd/07, 2:19 p.m.

Hello all. I'm at Sheena & Matthew's housesitting today (and tomorrow). Gotta keep the fire going, in the wonderful wonderful furnace which I love. And tend to Sasha, too (their dog). I love having a house all to myself. A big, CLEAN, cozy house with a beautiful view, at that. I just finished giving myself a manicure, cuz I didn't have anything better to do, really. Lol. I have such an eventful, exciting life, I know. That and I was tempted to bite off all my nice long nails b/c they're flimsy & weak and they're driving me crazy. But I love the look of them, and the feel of them, and I can actually SCRATCH something, if need be.

Today I'm feeling all nostalgic. So I'll tell you some tales. Yes, it may be a long story. But quite entertaining, I assure you. I was just upstairs looking at a really beautiful photo album Sheena put together of family pictures and a few pictures of her friends. Quite a few of them are of me when I was younger, like 13/14. Looking back on myself then, I wish I could recapture the way I was. I wish I hadn't lost my idealistic views on life. I wish I hadn't lost what little innocence I had left. I was happy and carefree, young, beautiful...I really had it made. I just didn't know it at the time, of course. Now, I'm all pessimistic & old. My hair's not a beautiful shiny brown with natural blond highlights anymore. My skin is no longer clear and glowing. My teeth are yellow(er than I'd like). I'm 60 pounds heavier than I was. And all I do is worry, worry, worry, about my weight, my finances, Geoff's finances, school, my future, my life, and our life.

I hate worrying. I wish I could just be like I used to be. My biggest worry was clothes, and looking good, when I got to be a teenager, that is. Before I hit 13, I couldn't have cared less! I wore black stretch pants with huge white polka dots, paired with a fabulous black & white striped oversized sweatshirt, and my winter boots. Along with my lovely, frizzy permed hair (and permed bangs), clearly, fashion was not a concern to me. The things I was passionate about were mostly animals. Horses, especially. I loved horses. I would go so far as to say I was obsessed with horses, for a while there. Horses horses horses, day and night, 24/7. Horse names, horse colors, riding gear, horse breeds, horse books, blah blah blah blah...dreaming about clearing the land behind Mum & Dad's and building a barn and having a field for my beautiful Palamino to graze in. Taking care of it, riding it every day...I didn't worry. I had dreams. All the time. There was always something I was dreaming for. Then it was dogs. Oh, for a little black lab. Or a yellow lab. Or a beagle. Then, we got a beagle when I was 14. So I guess that one came true. I loved him, but he was a bastard and we killed him. Lol. Talk about loss of innocence?! He kinda had it coming. He bit Kelsey in the face for no good reason except that he was edgy from being tied all day. And I used to be passionate about kittens, oh I was in LOVE with kittens. I was so MAD if anyone ever drowned a batch of kittens. I even wrote a letter, I think, to Merton & Vicky, telling them how unfair and cruel it was that they drowned those precious little kittens Miranda & I had gotten so attached to. Oh, HOW could they do such a thing to us??!! Now I totally understand, after having had COUNTLESS batches of dirty little kittens destroy my lovely little house. Haven't drowned any yet, though. But I don't blame people who do.

I was so different then. Like I said, carefree. I could do whatever I wanted (within reason obviously). I could spend all day doing nothing, all summer long. Just go and hang out with Miranda, walking around the shore, climbing the trees in her yard, playing in the barn up in the loft, daydreaming about building camps and running away to them.

I had plans to run away to some camp with every friend I had. Well, maybe not Skippy I don't think. But Lyndsey (Cook)--we were going to run away to a little "camp" that was just a grove of evergreens in my front yard. We'd take our play dishes, and we'd have a roof made of cellophane from fruit baskets. And we'd eat berries all summer, and go into the house at night to steal food when we needed to. Of course, we never really thought much about winter. But when it was fall, and Sheena & Adam had to walk by our camp to walk to the busstop, we'd just hide very quietly, and make sure we didn't have a fire going. They'd never find us. They would just never know. We'd run away from our terribly cruel and unjust parents, FOREVER!! TO THE FRONT YARD!!!!!

And Amy Waters and I were going to take over Adam & Sheena & Trish's treehouse camp that they hadn't finished building. It was really cool, actually. We would finish it up, put plywood up on the walls. And we'd have to have a stove in the corner. And beds on the floor, or maybe hammocks. And we'd take GUNS with us, because what if Thelma & Erling's dogs had come over to ATTACK US?! Well. They might just hole us up in that treehouse all day long, if we didn't have some way of scaring them off or killing them. So we had to have guns. And we'd have play-dishes, and we'd eat berries, and steal food. And that was the plan. And we were master pyromaniacs, so we'd have no trouble keeping warm. We'd take some breath-spray, and use it for fuel. And maybe burn some old man's beard for warmth. Hahahahahahahaha! Oh we had it all figured out. In fact, we even drew up plans one day in Mr. Ingersoll's math class in grade 5.

And Miranda and I, well we were older and much much wiser when we formulated our brilliant plans. We would live in Bobby's shed at the shore below her house. It was an old mobile-classroom from the school. Just right for us. It was all gutted out on the inside, and we used to sneak down there and smoke butts, and just hang out and be foolish all day. And go, "Man, we could friggin make this place friggin AWESOME, man. Just like, friggin, friggin, fix it rate up, man. Paint it, paint the floors and stuff, and put up like benches, and a couple hammocks, and have a table over here, and like, man it would just be awesome in here if we could fix it up." I also had the brilliant idea once when I was about the same age to gut out Sonya & Wayne's old "camp" that they used to live in, down OxHead, and turn that into a big playhouse. For us older, mature kids. Have it kind of like the playroom upstairs in the Grand Harbour Baptist. A big hammock all across the top, not far from the ceiling, and a pole to slide down, and a huge slide, and carpet on the floor, and a ball pit underneath. Ok, so, exactly like the ballroom at the Baptist Church. I thought that would've been cool.

I had all kinds of dreams. I even thought I'd make my own "Terabithia" room for myself. Just my piano, and a big empty room, all painted from floor to ceiling with murals (which Caroline Crompton would've painted for me). I still think that would be pretty cool, actually.

Don't you wish we could go back sometimes? Not have to worry about jobs and careers and money and insurance, and men, and children, and responsibility? Just dream, and play, all day. Then come home at the end of the day to a nice hot meal, and not worry about calories, or points values, or carbs. Or working out. Who needs to work out when you spent all day outdoors playing? I swear I am going to teach my kids to enjoy the outdoors, and enjoy their imaginations, like I did. I don't want my kids inside all day every day in front of the tv, or the computer, or playing video games. I want them outside, enjoying life, like I did. I had a thought the other day, that I think will be my "mantra" to use with my kids someday: Inside is for evenings and rainy days (And grownups who have boring lives and responsibilities, like me)!

Well, back to the "real" world. I should go get something to eat, and maybe think about getting something ready for supper. I'm feeling so nostalgic, I think I'll just have a peanut butter & jam sandwich and a glass of chocolate milk for a snack. Hope you enjoyed my trip down memory lane. Bye 4 now!