So I realized something last night, as I was sitting slathering Cheez Whiz (actually Cheese-Tastic Light) on crackers...oh and don't forget those macaroons, too. I realized that, Crap, it's now after New Year's, I now have to begin my journey to losing the weight finally. My motto all year has been Lose the weight and graduate, and that's what I intend to do! I'm reading The Ultimate Weight Solution (Dr. Phil), and it's not like the other weight loss books I've read. For one, it's pretty sensible (after all, it is Dr. Phil). But also, it's a step-by-step book that you work your way through. It's very interactive. You don't only have to read what he says, you have to answer questions & get into it.
So. The goal I've set for myself is 50-60 pounds by the end of June. If I absolutely cannot lose that much by then, that's okay...I'll keep going until the whole of it is gone. It'll come off whenever it comes off, I can only control that to a certain point. I'm going to start walking four days a week for half an hour. And I will also probably use weights, but that's not a for-sure thing yet. All I know is, for the past 4 years, I haven't just fluctuated. My weight has climbed. And I know that's my fault, I let it get that bad. But now I want to take action & change it! I'm so sick of clothes not fitting right, going shopping & having to ask the hot male sales clerk for a size 36 waist or a size XL, or a size 16-18 pants. Oh, and don't forget bridesmaids' dress shopping with the girls...Oh my gosh I'm a 12, Oh, I'm a 14, Oh and Kari's probably about a size 4 I bet... and then comes me...Uh...I don't know what size I am...Well we'll try you in a 20, dear. Yay! size 20 dress size...that feels great...Especially when the other girls are 'average' sizes, the sizes I used to be, back in grade 9 & 10.
I very rarely find a picture of myself that's decent...oh yeah, my rating on hotornot.com is like 4.5 (at the most). I'm just tired of feeling shitty about myself. I like myself, as a person, I really do. I think I'm a nice person, talented, capable, caring, all that. I know there are good things about me. And I know, too, that my body is able, and useful. But I just hate the way it looks. I'm tired of not being fit. In fact, even when I was smaller, in grade 9 & 10, I still wasn't fit. I've never been fit, in shape, toned. I've been smaller, and average size. But i always thought I was fat, because i wasn't in shape. I HOPE that by June, when I graduate & go to my prom, I have made it to at least 170 or 160. I want to feel hot at my prom...that's what I'm reaching for.
AAAaaaaaanyway...keep in mind that I am not dieting, like some people do. No dieting. Because dieting is not a lifelong thing. I want to be fit for good, not just skinnier for a while. I want to keep this weight gone, without even really thinking about it. I don't want to feel deprived, like I can't eat a cupcake if I want to, or have a cappuccino on the rare occasion where I feel like it. I aim to eat a diet of more vegetables, whole grains, fruit, lean protein, and healthy dairy products. Basically my diet should consist of trying to eat less processed, refined foods (especially refined sugars & starches), and more of what God made for us to eat. It's like Joyce Meyer said in Look Great, Feel Great: God didn't say we could eat of every candybar on the shelf, or every chip in the bag. he said we could eat of every tree in the garden. (Uh...except the tree of the knowledge of good & evil. Maybe it was a chocolate bar tree.) So, I need--well, actually we ALL need--to eat closer to the source, as they say. And the other thing is portion control...I tend to just binge...no purging, none of that bs. I just stuff myself. The other thing is eating breakfast every day possible. I really need to make sure i allow myself time in the morning to eat a good breakfast. Because when I do that, I find I'm really not as hungry for the rest of the day. So, portion control, healthier foods, less refined sugar &; as little processed crap as possible, and exercise.
So cheer me on, and I think I'll keep blogging about it, because then anyone who cares can keep up with me, and also I can keep track of my own progress & talk about how I'm feeling. It'll help me to write about it & keep inventory. Also, then I can look back on my own records of progress. That's all for today I guess!
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