Jan. 24/07, 12:33 a.m.

I can't sleep...this is why:

This morning when I went back to sleep, I had a dream. Not so much a dream, really, maybe a "vision". I didn't wake up going, "Oh, thank God that was just a dream," because it didn't feel like a dream.

I dreamt that I went out with a group of 4 people--I don't remember who--to a party at someone's apartment. First, we smoked some dope, and I got more wacked than I've ever been in my life. I couldn't even function. Then, somebody dug out some coke, and we all did it. So, I got into doing coke. Then, I did meth. Now, I'd never even seen meth, until I just googled it a few minutes ago. Anyway. I got hooked, really bad, on meth. So bad I wasn't eating, wasn't sleeping, I just was going from place to place getting high, sometimes maybe spending days just doing it. Everything was a blur...all I can remember is bits and pieces of sex...passing out on the floor next to somebody, in some filthy hole...stumbling around in a blur all the time, wanting more. Then the next thing I remember, I was in the bathroom at school, being sick I think. By this time, I literally felt like I was dead, just a shell walking around with nothing inside. An empty body. A zombie. It was the most terrible feeling. I was crawling around the bathroom, sick, emaciated, hadn't slept in 3 days, hadn't eaten in God knows how long. I just needed more. Somehow I got ahold of some, I don't remember. Then the next thing I remember was just thinking, "I can't do this anymore. I can't do it." And I dumped it down the toilet, I think. Then I marched out of the bathroom, and went towards Mr. Harborne's room, to the little place where all the garbage bins on wheels are kept, where the old smoking area used to be. I took the container that I'd had with me, and chucked it, as hard as I could, into one of those big garbage bins. And then I started out towards the gym, and met up with Rio Cameron (don't ask me why?), and she asked me what had happened to me...so I told quickly told her once we'd sat down in the gym. Skippy wandered along halfway through me telling her my short abridged story, and sat down. She didn't seem too concerned for some reason. I'm not sure why (sorry Skippy if you're reading this, I'm sure you'd be the first to be concerned!). As soon as I finished telling Rio what I'd just been through, I just said, "I NEED to sleep..." and fell off my chair onto the floor under the table. Skippy was like, "Ah, don't worry about her, just leave her, she just needs to rest." And I was lying there thinking, "Why doesn't someone help me, take me to the hospital, I need to be on IV, I need to be hospitalized..." And then I woke up.

I can't even effectively describe the feeling that I felt. I felt like the person I had been before no longer existed, like I wasn't even human anymore. I was dead, there was nothing inside me at all, it had all been swallowed up forever. I was literally just an empty shell. I felt like a zombie--that's the closest I can come to describing how it felt. It wasn't a feeling of hopelessness, or fear, or depression, or darkness. Just...not existing anymore. Whoever I was before was gone. Then I thought to myself...it's like, you'd have to become someone completely new...you'd have to invent someone to be. You'd have to be born, all over again, almost. Then it struck me...there is hope, there is a way to do that!!!!!!! God can bring you back! I felt like I no longer existed, but God created us, and he can recreate us!!

That's why I feel that this was a vision. It didn't feel like a dream. And it wasn't some warning to me to never get into those things. First of all, I should be thankful that I didn't end up that way. It could have easily happened, to any one of us. And has, to many people we know. But secondly, I think that I had this vision to show me how easy it is to get pulled under, and how it feels, and also so that God could show me that there is hope for beginning again, through Him. I don't know what drug addiction is really like. And I'm even more thankful now that I don't. But I know that some addicts get like this. And I believe that God was showing me that He can bring them back to life, when they feel like I did in that vision. There is a way. Even when Satan thinks he's got them, their life is over, they're totally drained, ruined, and worthless, and barely even human anymore. There is a way. Reach out to God. Even if you don't believe in Him, He believes in you.

I also believe that this is a call to Christians. Silas Daggett said, when he gave his testimony, we NEED to reach out to people. We need to help them. They might not think they want to be helped. But they're killing themselves. If you saw someone putting a loaded gun to their head, you bet you wouldn't just stand idly by and watch. We need to HELP THESE PEOPLE!!! There are so many, all around us, that we all know. I could name names, but I bet you can think of at least 3 people, without me naming any names. We as Christians need to reach out & help. Yes, Harvest House is opening a centre on Grand Manan. But we need to move NOW!!! Look what's happening to people all around us. And we KNOW that we have the power to bring these people to Jesus, through Him. Please don't take this message lightly. Let's DO SOMETHING ABOUT THIS!!!