Didn't get to blog yesterday, I couldn't get on. It's just this computer, or this Ingalls Head connection, maybe.
I can't seem to keep on track lately. Not at all. I mean, all day long I did fine today--until I came here. There was this spinach dip, which is SOOOOOO good on these particular 7-grain crackers. And then there's smoked salmon spread, another of my favorites. And there was leftover pizza that Geoff bought yesterday. At this rate, I'm NEVER going to lose this weight--let alone in time for prom. I'm feeling really discouraged. And the weather's been cold lately, so I haven't been able to go for walks. I've only gone twice in the past week and a half. I just think I'm going to have to sign up for Simply For Life. I don't really want to, but if I'm going to succeed, I think I'm going to have to.
I wasn't even slightly the least little bit hungry when I came here tonight. But I gave into temptation anyway. It's just really frustrating. And I didn't get much of a walk today, either, because I went to Kate's, and by the time we got done watching Tristan & Isolde (which by the way was so sad I'm never watching it again), we didn't have much time for a good walk. We usually like to go all the way to the bridge out Cedar Street, but we only made it as far as Dornell's. And we stopped at Farron & Tina's on the way up the road, not that I mind stopping in there. But we almost always stop in there, and when we're already pressed for time, we don't get much of a walk when we stop there. I don't mind at all, if we've got lots of time to burn. But Kate had to be at a counselling appointment for 6:15, and we didn't get to go for a walk til well after 4:30.
I felt pretty good today--I finished Math yesterday, wrote my final exam, and I think I did pretty good on it. And I looked nice today, I thought. Stole this shirt from Mum that looks really good on me. Y'know, some days you look in the mirror & don't care a whole lot for what's looking back at you, and other days you think, "Yeah, I look pretty hot today!" But after the stress with Kate (just shit she's going through right now), and after bingeing again when I came here, I didn't feel so great anymore.
I just don't know what to do. It seems like this is pointless. All I've lost in 2 weeks is about 3 pounds maybe. At first I lost 5, but I put it right back on when I was bingeing for about 5 or 6 days when I was PMS-ing, and not walking because of the cold. So far all I've consistently managed to keep off is about 3 pounds. And June is fast approaching.
It's not that I won't like myself if I don't lose weight. I like myself just fine. Most of the time, I really do. But I'm tired of being overweight. I'm tired of clothes not fitting me. I used to be able to borrow clothes from Sheena. I used to be able to go shopping, and when I liked something, I could buy it right off the rack, because I wasn't a size XL or 16-18, or a 35 or 36-inch waist. It's not that I think everything will be perfect and wonderful if I lose weight. I'm just tired of being overweight.
Well...anyway. Geoff's in bed, I should go to bed too. I don't really have anything more to say right now anyway.
~Laura~
No comments:
Post a Comment