Man...I could've never prepared myself for how hard & exhausting parenting can be. And I've only got one kid! And he's not even 2 yet! *brace myself*
I struggle with anger a LOT. Not just in parenting. I've always had anger issues. Ask my husband. Ask my parents, or siblings. But my buttons do get pushed more as a parent of a busy 20-month-old than they ever have before.
Yesterday, I found myself getting out of control. It was first thing in the morning, and all I wanted to do was zip through and get the floors vacuumed. Brendan goes in his play pen when I vacuum (every day...cuz our 2 darling dogs re-carpet the floor every night, love it). Normally, he's good in his play pen. But this past week, he's been sick with an ear infection. So, I've had to wake him up every night to give him antibiotics. Then, he's also been waking every night after that...then waking up at his usual time in the morning, 7 am! So, needless to say, he's been especially trying on the patience this week.
So, for the past few days, when he would be in his play pen, he'd throw his toys out. While I was trying to vacuum up fur. Helpful. He thinks it's hilarious. I'd give him a warning: Don't throw your toys again, or you'll have to go in your bed til I finish vacuuming. No luck. He still threw the toys. Well, off to his bed he went for a couple minutes, at least til the living room was finished. More toy-throwing ensued. More warnings. The anger starts to flare, as I realize, This kid is NOT listening to me!!! Grrr!! He KNOWS better!! Before I know it, my fuse is burning up, and I'm whipping him up out of his play pen, spanking him, and putting him back in his bed.
Of course later, I realized, if I had simply removed toys from his play pen, the problem could've been calmly and easily solved. If I had not allowed myself to get angry, maybe I could've thought of that at the time.
Now, some people may vehemently disagree with spanking. I'm on the fence. Biblically, I know we are supposed to discipline our children physically. (Take a look. There's much more than "He who spareth the rod hates his son.") I think spanking is sometimes warranted. For example, if your child does something very dangerous, like bolting towards the road. Would you rather spank him, or have him be killed the next time you scream "NO!" and he ignores you? Or, maybe he's intentionally been mean to another child, or rude & disobedient to his parents. I do think spanking can be an appropriate consequence sometimes.
But not when it's done hastily, and in anger.
Of course, I wound up feeling very guilty. I am very self-aware. I know I can be controlling sometimes. I know I can be picky. I know I have difficulty managing my anger, or my feelings in general.
Later in the day, I went to run an errand while Brendan was in bed. This gave me a chance to just be alone with God. I talked to Him the whole way. I asked Him to help me be a better mother. Help me control my anger, and be in control of the situation, without being controlling, or allowing myself to get angry when the situation seems out of control. Speak to me, in those moments. Help me to devise ways to deal with things, before they get out of hand. I want my child to see me talk to You when things are stressful, not to see me blow up and let anger control me.
Last night I went on Pinterest, as I often do. I was browsing through, when this caught my eye:
I struggle with anger a LOT. Not just in parenting. I've always had anger issues. Ask my husband. Ask my parents, or siblings. But my buttons do get pushed more as a parent of a busy 20-month-old than they ever have before.
Yesterday, I found myself getting out of control. It was first thing in the morning, and all I wanted to do was zip through and get the floors vacuumed. Brendan goes in his play pen when I vacuum (every day...cuz our 2 darling dogs re-carpet the floor every night, love it). Normally, he's good in his play pen. But this past week, he's been sick with an ear infection. So, I've had to wake him up every night to give him antibiotics. Then, he's also been waking every night after that...then waking up at his usual time in the morning, 7 am! So, needless to say, he's been especially trying on the patience this week.
So, for the past few days, when he would be in his play pen, he'd throw his toys out. While I was trying to vacuum up fur. Helpful. He thinks it's hilarious. I'd give him a warning: Don't throw your toys again, or you'll have to go in your bed til I finish vacuuming. No luck. He still threw the toys. Well, off to his bed he went for a couple minutes, at least til the living room was finished. More toy-throwing ensued. More warnings. The anger starts to flare, as I realize, This kid is NOT listening to me!!! Grrr!! He KNOWS better!! Before I know it, my fuse is burning up, and I'm whipping him up out of his play pen, spanking him, and putting him back in his bed.
Of course later, I realized, if I had simply removed toys from his play pen, the problem could've been calmly and easily solved. If I had not allowed myself to get angry, maybe I could've thought of that at the time.
Now, some people may vehemently disagree with spanking. I'm on the fence. Biblically, I know we are supposed to discipline our children physically. (Take a look. There's much more than "He who spareth the rod hates his son.") I think spanking is sometimes warranted. For example, if your child does something very dangerous, like bolting towards the road. Would you rather spank him, or have him be killed the next time you scream "NO!" and he ignores you? Or, maybe he's intentionally been mean to another child, or rude & disobedient to his parents. I do think spanking can be an appropriate consequence sometimes.
But not when it's done hastily, and in anger.
Of course, I wound up feeling very guilty. I am very self-aware. I know I can be controlling sometimes. I know I can be picky. I know I have difficulty managing my anger, or my feelings in general.
Later in the day, I went to run an errand while Brendan was in bed. This gave me a chance to just be alone with God. I talked to Him the whole way. I asked Him to help me be a better mother. Help me control my anger, and be in control of the situation, without being controlling, or allowing myself to get angry when the situation seems out of control. Speak to me, in those moments. Help me to devise ways to deal with things, before they get out of hand. I want my child to see me talk to You when things are stressful, not to see me blow up and let anger control me.
Last night I went on Pinterest, as I often do. I was browsing through, when this caught my eye:
The caption was "Change the way you think to short circuit your anger. Do you find yourself falling into any of these thought patterns?"http://creativewithkids.com/10-dangerous-thoughts-for-parents-who-want-to-stay-calm/
WOW. It wasn't even a friend who had pinned it. It was some parenting blog I didn't even realize I was following! What an awesome answer to prayer!
I got to run another errand, thus, go for another drive by myself, thus, had time alone to thank God! I asked Him to speak to me. He told me to be careful what I learn. I understood this to mean that I need to weed through the information, and consult Him, and His word. He did create us, after all. I think He might know better than any "parenting experts" how to raise our children.
When I told Him that I want to learn, I want to gain wisdom, I want to know Him better, know what I heard immediately? "Walk with me." Simple as that! I need to take the time, every day, to have quiet time by myself. A drive is good, but can be distracting. If possible, a peaceful walk, alone, in the quiet of nature, would make it much easier for me to really tune in and hear His voice.
So often I think we just talk God's ear off, and don't really stop and LISTEN. It's a totally one-sided conversation. Like we're talking to a wall, or to ourselves. But I'm learning, if I will listen, He really does speak to me!
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