So...I go to bed, thinking about food. Omg I'm hungry. All those pictures and recipes on Foodgawker (which I just discovered today--YIKES), and Pinterest. Pizza dip--and not your traditional pizza dip of layered cream cheese, salsa, veggies, cheese. This is baked, full of sauce, cheese(s), and veggies. OREO CHEESECAKE CUPCAKES. Oooooh. I remember Brenda Roberston used to make those. How sad is that? I REMEMBER that random dessert, and who made it, from like 20 years ago! Mmm, Crispy Cheddar Chicken, that sounds good. Then mah good ol' friend Tim starts talking to me, and guess what he's snackin on? SCALLOPS. Ah. Bitch. ;P

So yeah. I'm making myself hungrier by the minute, here. The more I think about food, the hungrier I think I am! But then, I think, Am I really hungry? Really? Let's think about that. I had a decent breakfast. I had a lobster sandwich for dinner. I don't even wanna know how many cookies and chocolates I've eaten today (a LOT). Geoff dished me up a HUGE plate of supper (while I was feeding the baby). And I ate all but one piece of ham. Then icecream. Then later, chips, and pop!! There is NO FRIGGIN' WAY I am actually hungry, after all that.

So I'm laying there thinking. Well actually, I was praying. Why, God? Why can't I control what I eat? And so forth. I don't remember everything I said. In my head. As I lay in my bed. [Baha, see what I did there?! ;)] K ne way...I started thinking about the workouts posted on Pinterest that I saw, first of all. It was an easy routine. Squats, arm circles, jumping jacks, pushups, leg lifts, crunches, calf-raises, bicycles, and 1 min. of the plank pose. Very similar to what we used to do in gym class when we were kids. I could do that. I did the Leslie Sansone videos, and I loved it. And I was doing Weight Watchers then, too. I lost 15 lbs., and I've never felt better. I even started JOGGING. Yup, ME. Jogging.

I don't really want to do Weight Watchers again (even though it did work). Eventually I got tired of it. Counting points, writing everything I ate, the Points Calculator, blaaaaah. That may be fine for some people, but I really just want to eat sensibly, without all the fuss. So why can't I just EAT SENSIBLY, FFS?!...That middle F is a "frig", btw. ;)

Really. I thought to myself. What's the worst thing that's gonna happen if I deny myself that cookie? I'd feel bad for like...2 minutes maybe, and I'd be over it! The craving does disappear. And I might not even be hungry. In fact, usually, I'm not.

A lot of times, it's a feeling of some sort that I'm trying to subdue, or satisfy. Sometimes I'm wanting affection. Or it's boredom. That happens a lot. Mostly b/c I spend so much time on the computer, sitting on my @$$. It gets boring after a while. But when the important housework is done...well, there's that computer again.

Sometimes, if I thought of it, a walk in the fresh air would satisfy whatever feeling it is that I'm snacking away. Last night, I had to take the dogs out to pee, and just that crisp, fresh air, and looking up at the stars, felt great! So today, I made sure to get outside with Brendan. Just in the yard, but outside, nonetheless! I pushed him on the swing, and we walked around the yard, and then we walked through the trees and explored a little.

There are so many other things I could DO besides EATING! There is a piano in the basement, which I've largely ignored since we moved here. If it was on the main level, where I'd be walking by it and seeing it all day, I'd be a lot more likely to sit down and play. There's also a ton of organizing I could be doing. This is a 4-bedroom house, and 2 of those rooms are CRAMMED full of junk--about half of that is ours. The attic also needs some organizing and sorting through. The junk pile on the end of the cupboard could be organized, too.

I could MAKE things, too! I've found so many great DIY ideas on Pinterest. Furniture, decor, organizing, stationery, clothing, jewelry. It would be fun to learn how to do some of those things--and, it would keep my hands busy, and away from that damn sweets drawer!

So, I think what I will do is write a plan. When to eat. Not what to eat, though. I don't believe in "low-fat" and "sugar-free" versions of food. I personally think they're not healthy at all. They're full of synthetic crap, and chemically-altered. Mm, na thanks. I should make it a rule that I don't snack on sweets, though. Just food. Any food, as long as it's not sweets. Could be a small meal, could just be veggies, fruit, crackers, cheese, yogurt, nuts...whatever. As long as it's not sweets. And if I'm going to have dessert, it should only be once a day, like after supper. Not dinner, too, and everywhere in between.

I also don't believe in not snacking at all in the evening. I would be hungry, and it's hard to sleep when your stomach's growling (which is partly why I'm sitting here at 1:05 am). Plus, I'm breastfeeding still. But it would have to be HEALTHY snacks that are ACTUAL FOOD in the evenings, not chips, or sugar. Or chocolate. Or anything resembling something sweet and/or salty & fatty.

The whole reason this blog is called "A New Start" is because I started it with the intentions of blogging about my weight loss journey. So much for that.

But there's no time like the present, it's never too late, etc. etc. and all that cliche sort of stuff.

It's not that I'm sick of my body and how it looks, even. Although, I'm aware that I definitely don't look sexy to most passers-by. I'm certainly not seeing any double-takes these days, or catching someone even slightly attractive giving me the once-over. ;) And I certainly don't feel very sexy much anymore. But I'm just not healthy. I have no energy, I'm totally lazy, and I'm totally wasting my time, my health, and my life!! You can't get back lost time. And if I succeed in destroying my health--which is where I'm headed--I'll never get that back, either. So. I need to do something, before it's too late. (<---Oh look, another cliche line.) And although I am genuinely a little hungry right now (I've determined after sitting here writing for...however long...), I will eat a clementine, or a banana, or a piece of cheese, before I go back to bed.

This is another thing I have to address soon: staying up WAAAAAAAAY too late online. But that's another story for another day. Bye 4 now!